forgotten meds + mexican food = insane dreams and a hangover feeling the next day...

Ok, so occasionally, my abscent minded self tend to forget my daily doses of sanity.  (aka Effexor XR and Vyvanse) Yesterday-which was Saturday-happened to be one of those days.  Well, this isnt the first time, and im sure it wont be the last.  You would think that after one time of forgetting, I would learn my lesson but NOOOOO!  Then one of the baby bears spent the night wtih a friend, and simultaniously the other one had a friend stay with her here. I know, I know, not planned well AT ALL!  But anyway. We let the little girl pick where we went to eat last night. And she suggested mexican food.  Which, for someone so insistant on mexican food, I must admit my shock when she ordered the chicken strips and french fries!  Needless to say though, that between the crazy food so late in the evening-which usually affects my dreams-and the missed doses of sanity, I had some dreams that would make an institutionalized person say "You did whaaa??? in that dream?" And of course there were a couple of them that were long, then some that were short and spontaneous.  One, was a design show that my beach house (psh! I wish!) was on being decorated for under 500 bucks!  of course, they made it look too psychedelic for my tastes.  Ok so maybe when I was 16 it would have been my dream home, but not much these days.  But they kept referring to it as "relaxing and soothing".  Um. Yeah.  but then it became more like a movie and sad but sweet love story but far too much detail for a blog post.  the other dreams included me having leukemia that caused me to have a kidney removed, one of me stabbing myself in the hand with a knife to relieve anxiety, wanting to do it again, and mysteriously healing and scars disappearing each time (like on those crazy sci-fi movies my husband watches all the time), and another one that I was addicted to cocaine-but only the blueberry flavored kind.  I dont know much about the 'street pharmaceutical' industry, but I am pretty sure that the stuff doesnt come in flavors... but i really do like blueberry, so i supose if i were a junkie, that would be the flavor i would go with!   could you just see the dealers who sell it saying "now, for an additional 2.99, i will be happy to flavor that for you so that it will hide the taste from picky users! here's my list of flavors!"  anyway... so i took my medicine as soon as i got up this am.  however, i have felt hung over for the better part of the day.  And i learn that makes you completely useless when the hotwater heater decides to blow and spray water all over your garage! yeah so what if the cat litter box is so wet it turned into a clay brick.  you really dont care when the garage is spinning at about 35 miles per hour! so yes people, momma bear has learned her lesson!  until i forget again anyway. 

just a little anal... maybe?

School is going pretty good so far.  However, being the first time I have taken daytime classes at this 4 year university, i can say that i feel extremely OLD!  i seem to be one of the oldest ones in my classes. which, since i am a sophjunsenior, and three of my classes are freshmen level courses that i never took at the 2 year community college, i guess it should be expected that i be surrounded by freshmen and sophmores.  But it isnt all that bad as i do see alot more college moms my age than i thought i would, so im not totally alone! 

today, in sociology, i received my first group research project EVER!  and of course, like i imagined i would, i absolutely hate it!  like the stories from many others that i have heard over the years, the group consists of the "motherly" type who wants to, not only, be in control and boss everyone around, but wants to talk to everyone else like they are her children.  She didnt realize that while she "is 32, and sooooo experienced" (using my 'high and ever so mighty" voice in my head as i typed that), I will be 32 this year as well.  But I felt bad that there was one girl-the softer spoken one of the group- who would make suggestions and no one would really listen to her.  she had some very valid points but every time she would speak everyone would turn as if they were hearing an annoying phone ringing somewhere in the distance.  of course I (being the somewhat rude person i am) would hear her and, would cut them off and repeat what she said, then immediately smile at her and say that i thought it was a very good or valid point!  The funniest part was when this girl started to talk to me like i was another inexperienced freshman who wouldn't know anything about the topic.  I politely made it a point in the conversation to drop the information that not only am i 31 years of age, but also the proud mother of a 12 year old 7th grader. it was like i just took off my shirt and bra and danced for them topless.  No 31 is not old...to me or most reading this blog.  But to an 17-19 year old, i might as well have a foot in the grave.  Like i had desparately hoped, their mouths hit the floor just as fast as their pencils.  yes, I may feel old when 9:30 is becoming my new bedtime.  yes, i recently plucked a mumbleGRAYmumble hair from my head. and yes, i have arthritis in my right knee.  but darn it! everyone tells me i look so young.  so i thought i would see just how true that really was!  so after their initial shock, her tone changed only slightly, but her overwhelming urge to control did not.  ugh!  Then there was her unspoken team mate that just felt compelled to use long, confusing sentences in order to make simple points in a pathetic effort to make herself feel like an intellectual.  But while she may be a very intelligent girl-though not really showing much today-i just feel like she was making the project a lot harder than it really was.  doing this alone, i could do this project and have it done and final conclusion complete by Monday morning.  I guess that's why I don't like putting my name on work that i have to rely on others efforts and thoughts in order to pass. I work at a certain pace and when others dont, i get annoyed. Then, on top of that, I have an overactive imagination.  Example of that:  I was the girl at age 7 who had a Barbie that used to rescue GI Joe on a daily basis from certain doom as she flew my older brother's remote controlled helicopter into the warzone of army men vs chess pieces.  (what can i say? i grew up in a house with four big brothers-entertainment resources were limited due to finances!)  But its that very overactive imagination that tends to earn me A's on research papers and projects.  Its that overactive imagination that immediately kicks into overdrive upon receipt of a project such as this one.  And maybe i have a little Asperger's Disorder in me too.  But if i get it in my mind how something should be done, and i have any responsibility in it getting done, then it needs to look, sound, smell or even taste like it does in my head.  If it doesn't, then it must be wrong... so what do you all think?  is my urge to email the teacher and beg her never to assign me to another group on a project ever again a little irrational?? is my educational ocd warranted?  is this a little asperger's like? or am i just a b***h?  whats the point-gonna have to get used to them, especially when i make it to grad school!  sigh...

back to school prayer, from momma bear..

God,
Tomorrow starts the next step on this new journey in my life.  A new chapter in this novel that you call my life.  The one that you are continuously writing.  I just thank you for making the promise to keep yourself in the story; and pray for the strength to allow you to continue to be the author of my book.  As much as I like to write, I know you are a far better author than I will ever be, and I know you will write me a much better ending than I could ever write myself. 

Thanks for giving me the courange to step out in faith in a way that I have never done before.  I pray you consistently replenish that courage, as I tend to lack the ability to make my own.  I just hope and pray that in all that I do, your grace and love shine through.  I know now that I will stumble from time to time, and I know this world will make me doubt and question things that I shouldn't.  But in advance, I thank you for your gift of forgiveness. 

May I always remember why I decided to take this path, and maintain perspective as to why I chose the career that I am currently pursuing-to love those who seem 'unlovable'.  To bring a bit of light in a world that tends to get a little dark, where people often get lost; and show them that someone does really care and understand as you and I share some light to guide them back out of that dark place...  Thank you, Lord for hearing my request and for all the ups and downs in life, as they are part of the path that leads me to you. 

In Jesus Christ's beautiful name, Amen...

Got Potty?

Nothing is an indicator of a great night of good times and drinks with friends like waking up the next afternoon to the smell of urine, and learning of its source-from a friends facebook video post! I bet their parents are so proud! I am so glad there was no such thing as social media, or cell phones with digital cameras during my 'party' years! Not that I really had a problem with peeing in random places but when alcohol is involved, everyone who has ever partaken has done some embarrassing things. Although there was that one time in a bathroom wastebasket at a party-BUT, there is a perfectly logical explanation for that! However, its a long, boring story really, and I don't want to put you sleep with dreary details...

Anyway, maybe the mother's of these fine individuals should have tossed some fruit loops in the toilet when potty training them so they would know the right place to aim? Maybe? Or, at the least, just kept a few extra Pull-Ups on hand. You know, for those unavoidable accidents?

Top 9 People Who Obliviously Mistake Things for Toilets

Public Service Announcement...Please avoid the Crack!

This is a public service announcement from Momma Bears against Crack (MBAC).  

Moms, please don't let this be you! We all have heard the warnings from our own mothers, or motherly figures.  We have been told the horror stories, but the image below is proof that this problem is REAL.  We think that it cant happen in our neighborhoods, but I am a witness to the fact that it is much closer to home than we want to believe.  Crack.  No, not the drug kind, the butt kind.  It happens to the best of us.  As much as any 'cool' mom out there, I LOVE my low-rise jeans.  I have never been able to stand pants that go remotely close to my belly button.  However, I am always cautious to either A-wear a longer shirt, B-wear a belt, C-pants that fit, or D-all the above.  These two simple precautions can help stop the spread of this devastating epidemic.  How on earth is it possible to not feel the draft and be totally oblivious to the fact that everyone sitting within 6 feet behind you in all directions can see your (as my best friend's adorable 4 year old refers to as...) "coin slot"?  You don't know how hard it was to resist walking by and dropping a quarter down there... it was tough, but Momma-Bear was a good girl.  Being at my kids school function was my main source of strength...  So, I did what any self-respecting mom out there would do.  I created this here public service announcement and posted it on the internet instead!  This way, I could help to do my part in avoiding more uncomfortable scenery like this in the future, for everyone!  Moms, or even the childless women out there, of all shapes and sizes... I encourage you-if its the low-rise pants that you prefer, keep rockin those babies to your heart's content.  But remember, buying the right size DOES make a big difference, and please be aware of the draft.  If you aren't careful, this could be you!!  Because if I can see this from ten feet away, everyone else behind you can see it too!  And I know ALL will agree-that just ain't cute!

Oh, and guys, this means you too.  Lets
 leave the plumber cracks to the actual plumbers!

Love Like No Otter: Puppy & Otter Play Together Like Old Pals - The Daily Treat: Animal Planet

Awe! how cute! Nothing like a little animal play to make you want to smile! However, I must admit-not ever seeing a River Otter in my life, I would have probably freaked out if I would have seen it in my yard playing with my dog... I dont think it would have ended so well, as I probably would have loaded Barry's pistol! Just glad it wasn't me! (click the pink link below)

Love Like No Otter: Puppy & Otter Play Together Like Old Pals - The Daily Treat: Animal Planet

Note to self: Practice what you preach (please see day 3 post...)

So soon, I realize that I have forgotten my own advise.  In actuality, I dont think ever really knew what my identity was-until now.  Not in the sense that I didnt know who I was, but the fact I allowed my jobs to determine my value.  I worked my butt off for so many years, with very little appreciation.  And now that I have no job, its almost like I have this insane need to compensate here at home.  That would probably be the reason why I cant allow myself to go back to sleep when the kids go off to school in the morning.  I told myself yesterday that I needed to take a nap-just one hour.  I felt like I needed to get Papa-Bear's ok to do so-of course, I just know that he was thinking that I was a little bit crazy in doing so!  It was like have been feeling guilty in not working.  And even after he gave me said 'blessing', I couldnt do it.  I couldnt go to sleep. All I seem to have done over the past week and a half is clean.  Vacuum, scrub, toss out, etc. and I cant tell much of a difference in the house.  And, if thats not bad enough, this obscessive desire for clean and order just cost me 95.00.  Apparently, even if you have an a/c filter that says 3 months on the package, excessive dusting and vacuuming can quickly turn it to a one month filter.  After a week of cleaning and the fact that the filter is already a month and a half old, the filter was pretty nasty.  All that dirt on the filter will quickly freeze a brand new ac unit up in a heartbeat.  So, all that cleaning, and I had the privilege of paying the ac guy almost 100.00 JUST to tell me to change my filter.  So, while I will still continue to clean and get this house in order, I am backing off a little.  No more stressing, no more extreme deadlines.  After all. It wont bring my kids grades up, it wont build my daughter's self esteem, when she needs it boosted the most.. And, Its not like my house will cave in because of a little dust, right?  I would like to think of it as its the dust that is keeping my house together.  Mainly because I am not excessively stressing over its mere existance and, instead, I am spending my time focusing on my family and getting my mind free and rested to dive into yet another semester-and do so keeping God as the main point of my focus.  Besides... my doctor HOOKED ME UP on some samples of my oh-so-awesome nasal spray for my spring and fall allergies... Dust cringes at this stuff!  So why worry-right? 

First thing that should have been added to my new schedule, is sadly going to be the last ( last to date anyhow).  What is that, you may be mumbling to yourself? My 30 minutes to an hour in total quiet and prayer-something I need more than anything, has taken the back seat until now.  Just like us moms to put our needs last, huh?

FYI...

Had an inquiry about comments so just thought I would ease people's minds concerning this topic.  I dont mind comments at all.. In fact, thats why I enabled the comments!  This is a public blog, however, so be nice!  Remember what our mothers taught us... if you cant say something nice, well you better be able to hold your own because you run the risk of getting your teeth knocked out if you talk trash to the wrong person!  That sounds right huh?  Anyway... Working Moms, Stay at Home Moms, Student Moms---we all are no better than the other.  This is from someone who has very recently just hopped the fence from one side to the other.  So I would prefer only helpful and uplifting content!  However, if you talk trash to someone, and they make you feel dumb, I will not intervene as long as it remains clean! I may not have mouth that would fit in on an Orbit Gum commercial, but I am trying to get closer and closer to God as I start on this new chapter in my life, and how can I let him shine through me with comments full of f-bombs! Anyhow. I hope everyone continues to enjoy the blog!  And pass along to your friends! Thanks!

-Momma Bear

and on to the next week...

Ahhh... quiet.  The peaceful bliss that most moms (and dads) love, but too often forget the sound of.  Pappa bear took the baby bears over to his moms den while I continued on my pursuit of clean.  I cant help but feel a little nuts after I caught myself vaccuming the walls.  Yes, vaccuming the walls.  Dyson and I were hitting all the nooks and cranies, and as we worked our way into the kitchen I noticed dust on the walls.  But before you think "eww!" and contact CPS, let me inform you that I have textured walls in my kitchen.  And, besides... you stay plastered to the laptop while working 40 + a week and taking TWO internet courses during the summer semester, and lets see how clean your textured walls are!!!  So the cleaning should-hopefully-taper off a little this week.  And then I will do what many at home parents often do.  I'm going to Starbucks!  That Verdi Mocha Frappuccino with no whip cream will taste even better knowing I have a house that will look and feel nice and clean! Not showroom perfect, but neat.  And come this time next week, I will be getting my books ready to start the new semester the next day.  Bring it on!  I am READY!  Yes, you moms know that last line well... borrowed from the little yellow guy---ooh! Just had a thought-I wonder if he works better than the magic eraser?  Hmmm?  Probably not.  Well I guess I should make sure I have plenty of work clothes for the upcoming work week!  Did I mention the fact that I love my new work attire?  Guess I better enjoy it while I can as this job thing is probably only temporary-maybe sooner, maybe later... who knows.  Just leaving it all up to the big boss upstairs.  After all, this is where he has lead me so far!  But I want to do one thing while I am off-something I never did because banking frowns upon it... I soo want a nose stud... you know those little tiny ones on the side of the nose!  NO, not one in the middle part.  I am not ok with looking like a bull.  I try to avoid things that make me look like I should be following a herd of beef...

what day is it now?

Not necessarily certain what day this makes now, but I know I still feel like I am on vacation, and destined to have to return to work on Monday.  Subconsciously I catch myself thinking "Darn, only a day and a half before I have to go back!"  But I can honestly say that I have learned a lot over the past week.  I have learned that kids are pigs, there is a reason they tell you to cut dogs hair WITH the hair growth and not against. I have found many more places that require dusting than just the mantle and pictures. You know-over door frames, baseboards.  I have learned why paper pictures have become obsolete.  I have learned that I have more picture frames that go on tables, than I have places to put them.  I learned that my Dyson reaches places I never thought existed, but can not reach the top of a 19 foot cathedral ceiling. I learned that should you chose the Dyson to clean little, tiny styrofoam beads, it may be a good idea to spray the inside of the canister with a little static guard first.  I even learned that the shiny squishy pillows you can get at just about any store that sells home decor and bedding, are full of billions of little, tiny styrofoam beads.  Another thing on those little squishy pillows-Cats love to claw them up to shreds. So while I have learned alot about cleaning, I still have alot to learn about laying the law down on these kids.  However, I feel as if I am rapidly coming closer and closer to the proverbial line.  You moms know which one I am referring too-that one that lies above our heads, the one we ways hit with our hands as we say "I have had it up to here"... Yeah, that one.  I am almost there....

Day 3... the bathrooms... whos worse. teen girls or dads?

Ok so today is the day I decided to scrub bathrooms.  While still have much more to do, I managed to make some progress.  The bathroom located in my room that is shared by my husband and I wasnt too bad.  But when I opened the shower curtain in the girl's bathroom (you know, the one that is also used by company when they come over), I saw the reason why my kids have been asking to use my shower instead of their own.  I must say that I am thankful for my solid fabric shower curtain that hides messes, while subtly adding that hint of happy colors! Wow.  I am officially embarrassed for anyone who would have seen it had they came over unannounced.  Everything from remnants of my tween's last leg-scaping, to various concoctions of face wash/bodywash/shampoo/conditioner.  And it all was this crazy blue color-which none of it was blue to begin with, and leads me to wonder if maybe there was some household cleaner in any of it some how... Wait-what color was the toilet bowl gel cleaner?  But have no fear.  It was nothing that a good Force Flex bag, Clorox Wipes and a Mr. Clean Magic Bathroom Eraser couldnt tackle.  And let me say that Mr. Clean and I have developed a beautiful relationship.  His eraser is really magic!  Oh how he managed to get the permanent marker off of the plastic Q-tip holder, I do not know; but I am forever grateful just the same!

Now our bathroom mainly needs a good floor cleaning.  My best friend came to visit while her ac was getting worked on, because here in the mommyhood, its 109 degrees IN THE SHADE! So she kept me company while I was cleaning.  And together we came up with a question.  How on earth do men manage to get pee under the hinges of the toilet seat, on the wall beside the toilet, AND on the little caps that cover the bolts that bolt the toilet to the floor???  Really?  You can drink a few beers and write your name, legibly in the snow, but you cant hit the middle of a round circle from less than 2 feet away that happens to be big enough for me to fall into at 2:30 am?  We cant understand it... But please, guys, dont blame it on 'size', cause well, lets face it... most likely, you're lying.

But once we got over the amazement of how men cant aim, yet my dog knows that if he cant hold it anymore after being trapped indoors all day long, to go to the exact same spot in the kitchen where no one walks, we started chatting about other things.  And one of the things the conversation reminded me of something I really havent thought about but makes alot of sense.  It is something easy to lose sight of, but at the same time very important in the role of being a mom-working or not. 

All to often, in the chaos that is managing a family, moms everywhere of every kind tend to forget about one person.  Themselves.  They become the cook, the maid, the chauffer, the therapist, the referee, the ATM, the banker, the nurse, and the fix-it person.  Those who work also become the wife, the student, or the dedicated employee thats overworked and underappreciated (under paid), on top of all the previously mentioned titles.  But they forget who they are aside from all those important things.  They inadvertantly allow themselves to become what they do.  And its when you lose sight of you that you begin to feel out of control.  You become burned out to the point that you cant maintain everything you work hard for.  When you do take "mom breaks" you dont even know what to do.  You dont even know what you like to do for fun because you forgot who you are, remember?  Although I rarely have time for it, I love taking pictures, and I recently discovered the Painting with a Twist class..  Not for everyone, but I learned that I like painting.  I love to drink coffee and chat with friends, I enjoy school because its a major I care about.  So I have to remember to remind myself that I need to keep my identity.  Moms, if you forget that your first name is NOT 'momma', 'honey', 'baby', or 'mooooooom' (with that whiney tone), or if you only remember your first name because of what it says on your name badge or your signature on your work email, then its time to get out there and rediscover who you are.  Not only do you deserve it, but it will benefit your kids to see you taking an interest in something and utilizing that something to channel stress.  Besides.  If you see your job as you, and put all of your self worth in your jobs then you are at risk.  Sometimes, we are thrown the unexpected in jobs-paid or parenting- that isnt so pretty.  When something fails, for lack of better term, then we see it as a reflection of ourselves, when its NOT. And that, my friends, can be like letting a 3 year old run unattended in a glass shop...with a slingshot and pockets loaded with ammunition.... just a thought!

Mission One: Clean House-Days 1 and 2

So it seems that the mission is not going according to plan.  When I turned in my notice, I had a plan in my mind.  Come home, throw down my boxes of neatly packed desk stuffs that I had accumulated over the course of the past 9 years, and lay down the law.  In my mental picture, I was an army general getting her troops ready for battle-the battle of school.   I even had Princess, the cat, in check.  But now here we are.  That moment has come and gone as of this past Friday.  My (less-than) neatly packed box is somewhat unpacked and opened on my bedroom floor, while the other one is still in the backseat of the car.  I may actually keep it there as it serves as a great divider between the girls in the back of my little Civic. I have managed to get the laundry caught up after being confined to the computer and books for the majority of my waking time during this past summer semester.  9 weeks of laundry breeding like a cage full of bunnies tends to harbor some interesting smells.  Aack!  (thats my gagging sound).  So far, all has not quite gone according to plan, but so far, one idea I had about all of this has been realized, just as I had imagined it would... Thats the realization of the importance of the first day of school.  At least how it is perceived by all of the stay-at home-mothers  I know.  Come tomorrow morning, moms all over the mommyhood will put their kids on the bus, and the bus driver will see a slight tear in their eye as they shut the door to cart the kiddies off to school.  But it will not be, necessarily, a tear of sadness; but a tear of joy.  Cries of "WOO HOOO!" will be heard across the mommyhood as if a sense of freedom is being experienced, because it will be.  Freedom of the moms who, for the past two and a half months have endured hours of "Mom, I'm bored!", "There's nothing to do!", "She stole my iPod", or my favorite "You're trying to ruin my life, Moooom!"  Freedom, from the constant mess making, the repeating of phrases that request picked up shoes or getting out of the fridge.  Freedom from the arguments over one out of a dozen video games to choose from, and freedom from having to wash the paint out of the dog's white fur because the kids felt a little artistic and paper just wasnt good enough.  But you mothers out there must admit.  While at the moments of experience, we may not always appreciate the captivity of summer; but its when we look back on it and reminice, we do stop and smile.  We smile because these are the things that remind us of something important.  Most men would have crumbled under the pressure after the first week.  So moms out there, working or not, raise your coffee mug in cheers! Your children will go off to school-hopefully-with memories of a great summer, and you can return to the relm of cleaning house, chores, or in my case school.  Working moms, you can work easier knowing your kids are at school and not sneaking friends over while you are away during the day, worrying over whether you should have increased the homeowner's insurance, or if they and the unauthorized visitors have eaten you out of house and home in your abscence.  So with that being said, this house wont clean itself... and I have under two weeks to get this place in order before MY school starts!