Note to self: Practice what you preach (please see day 3 post...)

So soon, I realize that I have forgotten my own advise.  In actuality, I dont think ever really knew what my identity was-until now.  Not in the sense that I didnt know who I was, but the fact I allowed my jobs to determine my value.  I worked my butt off for so many years, with very little appreciation.  And now that I have no job, its almost like I have this insane need to compensate here at home.  That would probably be the reason why I cant allow myself to go back to sleep when the kids go off to school in the morning.  I told myself yesterday that I needed to take a nap-just one hour.  I felt like I needed to get Papa-Bear's ok to do so-of course, I just know that he was thinking that I was a little bit crazy in doing so!  It was like have been feeling guilty in not working.  And even after he gave me said 'blessing', I couldnt do it.  I couldnt go to sleep. All I seem to have done over the past week and a half is clean.  Vacuum, scrub, toss out, etc. and I cant tell much of a difference in the house.  And, if thats not bad enough, this obscessive desire for clean and order just cost me 95.00.  Apparently, even if you have an a/c filter that says 3 months on the package, excessive dusting and vacuuming can quickly turn it to a one month filter.  After a week of cleaning and the fact that the filter is already a month and a half old, the filter was pretty nasty.  All that dirt on the filter will quickly freeze a brand new ac unit up in a heartbeat.  So, all that cleaning, and I had the privilege of paying the ac guy almost 100.00 JUST to tell me to change my filter.  So, while I will still continue to clean and get this house in order, I am backing off a little.  No more stressing, no more extreme deadlines.  After all. It wont bring my kids grades up, it wont build my daughter's self esteem, when she needs it boosted the most.. And, Its not like my house will cave in because of a little dust, right?  I would like to think of it as its the dust that is keeping my house together.  Mainly because I am not excessively stressing over its mere existance and, instead, I am spending my time focusing on my family and getting my mind free and rested to dive into yet another semester-and do so keeping God as the main point of my focus.  Besides... my doctor HOOKED ME UP on some samples of my oh-so-awesome nasal spray for my spring and fall allergies... Dust cringes at this stuff!  So why worry-right? 

First thing that should have been added to my new schedule, is sadly going to be the last ( last to date anyhow).  What is that, you may be mumbling to yourself? My 30 minutes to an hour in total quiet and prayer-something I need more than anything, has taken the back seat until now.  Just like us moms to put our needs last, huh?