forgotten meds + mexican food = insane dreams and a hangover feeling the next day...

Ok, so occasionally, my abscent minded self tend to forget my daily doses of sanity.  (aka Effexor XR and Vyvanse) Yesterday-which was Saturday-happened to be one of those days.  Well, this isnt the first time, and im sure it wont be the last.  You would think that after one time of forgetting, I would learn my lesson but NOOOOO!  Then one of the baby bears spent the night wtih a friend, and simultaniously the other one had a friend stay with her here. I know, I know, not planned well AT ALL!  But anyway. We let the little girl pick where we went to eat last night. And she suggested mexican food.  Which, for someone so insistant on mexican food, I must admit my shock when she ordered the chicken strips and french fries!  Needless to say though, that between the crazy food so late in the evening-which usually affects my dreams-and the missed doses of sanity, I had some dreams that would make an institutionalized person say "You did whaaa??? in that dream?" And of course there were a couple of them that were long, then some that were short and spontaneous.  One, was a design show that my beach house (psh! I wish!) was on being decorated for under 500 bucks!  of course, they made it look too psychedelic for my tastes.  Ok so maybe when I was 16 it would have been my dream home, but not much these days.  But they kept referring to it as "relaxing and soothing".  Um. Yeah.  but then it became more like a movie and sad but sweet love story but far too much detail for a blog post.  the other dreams included me having leukemia that caused me to have a kidney removed, one of me stabbing myself in the hand with a knife to relieve anxiety, wanting to do it again, and mysteriously healing and scars disappearing each time (like on those crazy sci-fi movies my husband watches all the time), and another one that I was addicted to cocaine-but only the blueberry flavored kind.  I dont know much about the 'street pharmaceutical' industry, but I am pretty sure that the stuff doesnt come in flavors... but i really do like blueberry, so i supose if i were a junkie, that would be the flavor i would go with!   could you just see the dealers who sell it saying "now, for an additional 2.99, i will be happy to flavor that for you so that it will hide the taste from picky users! here's my list of flavors!"  anyway... so i took my medicine as soon as i got up this am.  however, i have felt hung over for the better part of the day.  And i learn that makes you completely useless when the hotwater heater decides to blow and spray water all over your garage! yeah so what if the cat litter box is so wet it turned into a clay brick.  you really dont care when the garage is spinning at about 35 miles per hour! so yes people, momma bear has learned her lesson!  until i forget again anyway. 

just a little anal... maybe?

School is going pretty good so far.  However, being the first time I have taken daytime classes at this 4 year university, i can say that i feel extremely OLD!  i seem to be one of the oldest ones in my classes. which, since i am a sophjunsenior, and three of my classes are freshmen level courses that i never took at the 2 year community college, i guess it should be expected that i be surrounded by freshmen and sophmores.  But it isnt all that bad as i do see alot more college moms my age than i thought i would, so im not totally alone! 

today, in sociology, i received my first group research project EVER!  and of course, like i imagined i would, i absolutely hate it!  like the stories from many others that i have heard over the years, the group consists of the "motherly" type who wants to, not only, be in control and boss everyone around, but wants to talk to everyone else like they are her children.  She didnt realize that while she "is 32, and sooooo experienced" (using my 'high and ever so mighty" voice in my head as i typed that), I will be 32 this year as well.  But I felt bad that there was one girl-the softer spoken one of the group- who would make suggestions and no one would really listen to her.  she had some very valid points but every time she would speak everyone would turn as if they were hearing an annoying phone ringing somewhere in the distance.  of course I (being the somewhat rude person i am) would hear her and, would cut them off and repeat what she said, then immediately smile at her and say that i thought it was a very good or valid point!  The funniest part was when this girl started to talk to me like i was another inexperienced freshman who wouldn't know anything about the topic.  I politely made it a point in the conversation to drop the information that not only am i 31 years of age, but also the proud mother of a 12 year old 7th grader. it was like i just took off my shirt and bra and danced for them topless.  No 31 is not old...to me or most reading this blog.  But to an 17-19 year old, i might as well have a foot in the grave.  Like i had desparately hoped, their mouths hit the floor just as fast as their pencils.  yes, I may feel old when 9:30 is becoming my new bedtime.  yes, i recently plucked a mumbleGRAYmumble hair from my head. and yes, i have arthritis in my right knee.  but darn it! everyone tells me i look so young.  so i thought i would see just how true that really was!  so after their initial shock, her tone changed only slightly, but her overwhelming urge to control did not.  ugh!  Then there was her unspoken team mate that just felt compelled to use long, confusing sentences in order to make simple points in a pathetic effort to make herself feel like an intellectual.  But while she may be a very intelligent girl-though not really showing much today-i just feel like she was making the project a lot harder than it really was.  doing this alone, i could do this project and have it done and final conclusion complete by Monday morning.  I guess that's why I don't like putting my name on work that i have to rely on others efforts and thoughts in order to pass. I work at a certain pace and when others dont, i get annoyed. Then, on top of that, I have an overactive imagination.  Example of that:  I was the girl at age 7 who had a Barbie that used to rescue GI Joe on a daily basis from certain doom as she flew my older brother's remote controlled helicopter into the warzone of army men vs chess pieces.  (what can i say? i grew up in a house with four big brothers-entertainment resources were limited due to finances!)  But its that very overactive imagination that tends to earn me A's on research papers and projects.  Its that overactive imagination that immediately kicks into overdrive upon receipt of a project such as this one.  And maybe i have a little Asperger's Disorder in me too.  But if i get it in my mind how something should be done, and i have any responsibility in it getting done, then it needs to look, sound, smell or even taste like it does in my head.  If it doesn't, then it must be wrong... so what do you all think?  is my urge to email the teacher and beg her never to assign me to another group on a project ever again a little irrational?? is my educational ocd warranted?  is this a little asperger's like? or am i just a b***h?  whats the point-gonna have to get used to them, especially when i make it to grad school!  sigh...

back to school prayer, from momma bear..

God,
Tomorrow starts the next step on this new journey in my life.  A new chapter in this novel that you call my life.  The one that you are continuously writing.  I just thank you for making the promise to keep yourself in the story; and pray for the strength to allow you to continue to be the author of my book.  As much as I like to write, I know you are a far better author than I will ever be, and I know you will write me a much better ending than I could ever write myself. 

Thanks for giving me the courange to step out in faith in a way that I have never done before.  I pray you consistently replenish that courage, as I tend to lack the ability to make my own.  I just hope and pray that in all that I do, your grace and love shine through.  I know now that I will stumble from time to time, and I know this world will make me doubt and question things that I shouldn't.  But in advance, I thank you for your gift of forgiveness. 

May I always remember why I decided to take this path, and maintain perspective as to why I chose the career that I am currently pursuing-to love those who seem 'unlovable'.  To bring a bit of light in a world that tends to get a little dark, where people often get lost; and show them that someone does really care and understand as you and I share some light to guide them back out of that dark place...  Thank you, Lord for hearing my request and for all the ups and downs in life, as they are part of the path that leads me to you. 

In Jesus Christ's beautiful name, Amen...