The smell of gunpowder from previously exploded firecrackers, cheap champaigne, and the endless mail advertisements for the nearest 24 hour gym are all good signs of another year coming to a close. Now is the time people all over sit down with pen and paper in hand and write their lists of things they plan to accomplish or initiate before the end of a new year. I, personally, seem to think of these resolutions as somewhat of a let down. Especially when circumstances arise beyond our control that prevent us from acheiving these goals. So, I decided to do something a little different this year. This year, I decided to create what I like to call a "New Year's Anti-Resolution" list. You are reading it right. Its a list of things I plan on NOT doing this year. Circumstances beyond our control can keep us from DOING something, but less likely to keep us from NOT DOING something. But, this wont be as easy as it sounds... I know, I do like shortcuts when possible, but this isnt quite a short cut. The rule is, it cant be things I dont do anyway. Just read my list and you will see what I mean. If any readers want to post an anti-resolution of their own in the comments, feel free-but dont worry, I wont hold your first born in case you break your anti-resolution! Have a great New Year!
1. Although I am not a "huggy" or "lovey" type person, I will do my best to NOT hesitate to let those I care about know that I care.
2. I will NOT waste as much time as I used to. I would say I would try to manage my time better, but then that would defeat the purpose of an Anti-Resolution list...
3. I will NOT avoid making contact with the elliptical from time to time. More than just dusting it off or moving it to sweep around it, but actually possibly using it the way it was designed.
4. I will NOT promise to go on a diet, but instead attempt to make lifestyle changes that are healthier than my existing lifestyle.
5. I will NOT avoid building on my current faith in Christ. I will NOT remain content with the current 'time to time' relationship we have.
6. I will NOT allow myself to always resort to procrastination. (in other words, I will attempt to stop procrastinating, but this too is defiant of the anti-resolution concept)
7. I will NOT allow my anxiety control my ability to find a new church home.
8. I will NOT allow things that normally bother me, to always get the best of my thoughts and reactions.
9. I will NOT clutter my head with judgements of my own actions, or the actions of others, as I know that no one can say for 100% certain what they would or wouldnt do in another persons shoes.
10. I will NOT be hard on myself when I dont feel like I "measure up" as a mom, student, wife, or friend.
11. I will NOT compare myself with my friends and how they handle similar things. I am not them, nor they me. Everyone views life differently, and thats ok. All I know is what I have learned from my own seat in the classroom. I couldnt tell you what they see from their chair. Doesnt mean I wont listen to insight from where they sit, but doesnt mean I have to act accordingly.
12. I will NOT put myself in a position to feel 'superior' to anyone. This is something I have always tried to do, but hey... we are all guilty of it at some time or another. Just because I make some superior choices, doesnt mean I am superior.
13. I will NOT sit aside and wish for an opportunity to do work on God's behalf. Opportunities dont just fall in our laps, right?
14. I will NOT hesitate to brush the dog's teeth-whether he likes it or not. I will also NOT trim his claws myself whenever possible!
15. I will NOT keep letting my clothes pile up all the time to where I spend hours on end trying to fold and put away piles and piles of clothes!
speaking of number 15, that reminds me that its time to wrap this list up. I think 15 is a good list, huh? If not, well you all will have to suck it up as its all I have at the time. Nothing too significant, and nothing on this list is impossible-so long as i seek the right source for help. Good luck with your lists and would love to see what some of you put! I may borrow a few if I feel like I could benefit too!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Things I have learned so far about being a mom, from my friends...
Ever hear the old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child?" I believe that there has never been a time in our society that this saying could bear more truth, than today. With all the advances in technology, and in lifestyles of all different kinds of families, kids these days have so many influences and access to things we could never dream of as kids ourselves. No wonder we, as moms-or dads-have to look out for one another these days. As one, its like 3 full time jobs, but as a team its much easier. Being a mom who began this interesting adventure of motherhood at a very young age of 19, and being one whose closest friends began at even earlier ages, I have seen the village mentality applied to raising children, and while none of us ever claim to have it all figured out ourselves, I can honestly say that we all have something positive to bring to the table. Even at our worst, we are still giving it our best. And so far, I have observed a mixture of parenting styles that each offer their own special "something" to our (as we refer to it) friend-family that every parent-guy or girl-could use. Some moms utilize spiritual beliefs to help guide them, some have just learned from the negatives they experienced in their childhoods and know what they don't want in their homes. Some are mellow and more rational, and some are not. We all realize that parenting is often easier from the outside looking in. Usually due to the things that the 'insiders' either cant see or refuse to see due to their vested interests. We all have learned not to judge the actions of other moms as we dont know how we would do things if in their positions. We all have something, major or minor, that we can look back on and say "i would so do that differently". So I have composed a list of sorts, that explain some of my observations from myself and friends that may offer some guidance. There is no professional impact on this-except that we are all professional moms. This list is dedicated to my dearsest friends, and even some acquaintances, who are the most awesome moms I know. Those who have helped me and those I have helped. Though, all too often, I have felt that I have been on the receiving end than the giving! LOL So, here goes:
1. Although we all know that kids need a parent who doesn't try to be their friend, sometimes, kids do. Sometimes they need to know that they can have a trusted adult who will listen non-judgementally and will occasionally advise them in the best way possible. If a parent cant be that person, its good to have someone on hand who can be. Preferrably, someone that child respects.
2. No matter how much you want to try, you cannot control all the decisions your teenager (or almost teenager) makes. They do eventually have to learn how to make their own decisions. However you DO reserve the right to make sure they see that there are consequences to all decisions. Whether they be positive or negative consequences, that power can definitely be in your hands. But no worries, sometimes, natural consequences will do the work for you!
3. Prioritize your arguements. Before you start hounding your children over little details that may be a fad, that they may actually grow out of it. Would you rather waste your time arguing over the fact that their shoes match their hair, or the fact that they want to date a guy 4 years older than them? Sometimes, you just cant have both. Choose what you can live with and draw the line... then stick to it! Yes, you may have to bite your tongue so much that you lose your sense of taste permanently, but your kids will be more likely to listen.
4. If your child makes a mistake, they cant undo it. And remember, as parents, we all make mistakes all the time. If we as adults cant be mistake free-how could we expect them to be? And before you try to tell me you are perfect, let me just call you a LIAR! Mistakes are part of life. We can either learn from them, or we can ignore them and allow them to eat us alive. Its better to take a deep breath THEN deal with the problem. IN THAT ORDER! Sequence makes a huge difference!
5. Always expect the best from them. If they fall short, look at your standards and make sure they are realistic. If they are, dont back down. Dont except half-ass. If they arent realistic, then maybe tweek them just a hair.
6. Moms arent the only ones who make the messes, and moms arent the only ones capable of cleaning them up. (dads too) the only way for a home to run smoothly, is for everyone to do their part. I type this as I look at the mess in my house! And I think of the nice and tidy home of my OCD friend who has three kids vs my two. She doesnt play around! Yes, I am studying her techniques, slowly but surely! There is NO shame in cracking that whip! but just remember one thing. God gave man the ability to invent the door for a reason. So long as there is nothing living in their rooms and there is no ungodly smell melting the windows down, that door can actually come in handy. that and a gentle threat of privileges!
7. Its always good to keep a sense of humor in your back pocket. Sometimes bringing out the kid in you can be good thing! Not only does it keep you grounded, it lets your kids know that sometimes its ok to still be a kid themselves. In this world where they are often forced to grow up too fast, this is a necessity. Of course, all good things in moderation!
8. Kids have emotions just like us. However, they dont necessarily have the tools just yet to know how to deal with them. Us adults, however, do-or should. So its best to remember that we are the adults and they are the kids. This is not the time to let the kid in us show. But have no fear or shame in correcting a childs expression of emotion if they become rude or disrespectful. Respect is something earned and not just given, but simultaneously, how can they expect to be respected if they dont earn it. Teach them by backing away when you feel you have been pushed too far, until you have calmed down enough to try and talk to them. Or if they are being irrational, explain to them that you will be happy to talk to them normally when they can calm down. The one thing I try to explain to my daughter is that I dont always claim to react to things the right way. But I will try my best and have no problem admitting when I am wrong, and I expect the same from her. Lets them know that parents also can be imperfect.
9. Its good to keep friends close by. They help remind you of who you are aside from being a parent and a spouse. Especially if they are in the same position as you. Heck, you never know-they may actually need you more! The friends that are most helpful will not only offer advice, but they will know when its needed and when its just an ear you need. They will laugh with you, cry with you, step in and help out when you are about to flip out. They are just the most important necessity.
10. Faith is a must. Regardless of who you worship or how you worship, you need to have that faith that your higher power will help you through. And that if we fall, our higher power will help us back up and lead us to the right path.
11. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Need I really say more on that one?
12. When given the choice of staying home with your newborns or going back to work in order to pay off bills so that you can stay home with your school aged kids and teenagers, go with the latter of the two. Your newborns dont need you like you think they do. As long as the person who is with them during the day keeps structure and interacts with them daily, then they dont care who is there to change their diapers and dice up their hotdogs. But as they get into school-especially the older grades-like 4th through 8th grades-this is when you will be the most needed. If you have the luxury of staying home through it all, then consider yourself blessed. But if not, choose wisely!
13. And try to feed your kids everything at least once. Even if you wouldnt eat it, let them decide if they like it or not. Dont make faces or say eww before they get the spoon to their mouth because they will decide before ever tasting. If you do this, expect picky eaters! Lesson learned the hard way from this mom!
There are dozens more observations that I cant think of right off, and there are doesnts more that i have yet to observe. As I do, I will do my best to share. Remember that while people may offer advice, you have to do whats best for you. And by all means, do NOT compare your kids to others kids. Its a really good way to give a child a complex! JMHO!
1. Although we all know that kids need a parent who doesn't try to be their friend, sometimes, kids do. Sometimes they need to know that they can have a trusted adult who will listen non-judgementally and will occasionally advise them in the best way possible. If a parent cant be that person, its good to have someone on hand who can be. Preferrably, someone that child respects.
2. No matter how much you want to try, you cannot control all the decisions your teenager (or almost teenager) makes. They do eventually have to learn how to make their own decisions. However you DO reserve the right to make sure they see that there are consequences to all decisions. Whether they be positive or negative consequences, that power can definitely be in your hands. But no worries, sometimes, natural consequences will do the work for you!
3. Prioritize your arguements. Before you start hounding your children over little details that may be a fad, that they may actually grow out of it. Would you rather waste your time arguing over the fact that their shoes match their hair, or the fact that they want to date a guy 4 years older than them? Sometimes, you just cant have both. Choose what you can live with and draw the line... then stick to it! Yes, you may have to bite your tongue so much that you lose your sense of taste permanently, but your kids will be more likely to listen.
4. If your child makes a mistake, they cant undo it. And remember, as parents, we all make mistakes all the time. If we as adults cant be mistake free-how could we expect them to be? And before you try to tell me you are perfect, let me just call you a LIAR! Mistakes are part of life. We can either learn from them, or we can ignore them and allow them to eat us alive. Its better to take a deep breath THEN deal with the problem. IN THAT ORDER! Sequence makes a huge difference!
5. Always expect the best from them. If they fall short, look at your standards and make sure they are realistic. If they are, dont back down. Dont except half-ass. If they arent realistic, then maybe tweek them just a hair.
6. Moms arent the only ones who make the messes, and moms arent the only ones capable of cleaning them up. (dads too) the only way for a home to run smoothly, is for everyone to do their part. I type this as I look at the mess in my house! And I think of the nice and tidy home of my OCD friend who has three kids vs my two. She doesnt play around! Yes, I am studying her techniques, slowly but surely! There is NO shame in cracking that whip! but just remember one thing. God gave man the ability to invent the door for a reason. So long as there is nothing living in their rooms and there is no ungodly smell melting the windows down, that door can actually come in handy. that and a gentle threat of privileges!
7. Its always good to keep a sense of humor in your back pocket. Sometimes bringing out the kid in you can be good thing! Not only does it keep you grounded, it lets your kids know that sometimes its ok to still be a kid themselves. In this world where they are often forced to grow up too fast, this is a necessity. Of course, all good things in moderation!
8. Kids have emotions just like us. However, they dont necessarily have the tools just yet to know how to deal with them. Us adults, however, do-or should. So its best to remember that we are the adults and they are the kids. This is not the time to let the kid in us show. But have no fear or shame in correcting a childs expression of emotion if they become rude or disrespectful. Respect is something earned and not just given, but simultaneously, how can they expect to be respected if they dont earn it. Teach them by backing away when you feel you have been pushed too far, until you have calmed down enough to try and talk to them. Or if they are being irrational, explain to them that you will be happy to talk to them normally when they can calm down. The one thing I try to explain to my daughter is that I dont always claim to react to things the right way. But I will try my best and have no problem admitting when I am wrong, and I expect the same from her. Lets them know that parents also can be imperfect.
9. Its good to keep friends close by. They help remind you of who you are aside from being a parent and a spouse. Especially if they are in the same position as you. Heck, you never know-they may actually need you more! The friends that are most helpful will not only offer advice, but they will know when its needed and when its just an ear you need. They will laugh with you, cry with you, step in and help out when you are about to flip out. They are just the most important necessity.
10. Faith is a must. Regardless of who you worship or how you worship, you need to have that faith that your higher power will help you through. And that if we fall, our higher power will help us back up and lead us to the right path.
11. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Need I really say more on that one?
12. When given the choice of staying home with your newborns or going back to work in order to pay off bills so that you can stay home with your school aged kids and teenagers, go with the latter of the two. Your newborns dont need you like you think they do. As long as the person who is with them during the day keeps structure and interacts with them daily, then they dont care who is there to change their diapers and dice up their hotdogs. But as they get into school-especially the older grades-like 4th through 8th grades-this is when you will be the most needed. If you have the luxury of staying home through it all, then consider yourself blessed. But if not, choose wisely!
13. And try to feed your kids everything at least once. Even if you wouldnt eat it, let them decide if they like it or not. Dont make faces or say eww before they get the spoon to their mouth because they will decide before ever tasting. If you do this, expect picky eaters! Lesson learned the hard way from this mom!
There are dozens more observations that I cant think of right off, and there are doesnts more that i have yet to observe. As I do, I will do my best to share. Remember that while people may offer advice, you have to do whats best for you. And by all means, do NOT compare your kids to others kids. Its a really good way to give a child a complex! JMHO!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
drama junkies-we are breeding only the best, right here in the US!
Wow! its been awhile! School has kept me busy! but so far so good! two A's and two B's! but decided to post before i get back to studying and terrorizing children (after all, isnt that what us uncool moms do best?) after doing my random spying on my daughters facebook... and yes she knows i do it. she had to agree to it before i gave it back to her, because she has to prove she can conduct herself properly before she can have full access (more than an hour a day) first. anyway, as i was saying-as i was spying, i realized something. The next generation of young girls growing up scares me a little bit. now before you get your two-sizes-two-small thongs in a bunch, just hear me out. this isnt directed at one child in general. this is to all of them. has tv and music and movies really warped our view of how we want our daughters to conduct themselves this much? i knew girls in their early teens were catty, but holy cow! these girls-someone even says something on a mutual friend's post and kitty cat-um i mean girl-#2 is going to get all up in the koolaid for no reason and just attempt to make the first kid look like crap! why? why do they enjoy feeding off of drama like its a drug? maybe its because society is feeding it to them in various forms at such a young age, and they are hooked so young. somewhat like alcohol. there is a reason they dont give it to kids. just like adults, majority of kids could probably have a few drinks from time to time and be ok. but research has proven that an overwhelming majority cannot handle that without developing a full blown addiction, because their minds are still forming-as well as their physical bodies. the only difference between adults and kids is that adults SHOULD know a little bit better about the responsibilities that come with drinking than kids do. *note the use of the word SHOULD! I have a new term (well new to me anyway). i call them drama-junkies. those who arent satisfied with life without having to get the last word in, those who thrive off talking to someone like crap just to see how far they can push the drama. the ones who cant live one day without thinking people are out to start crap with them-or cant live one day without starting crap with others. i am starting to think that maybe, just MAYBE, the amount of bullying (be it over popularity, orientation-whatever the lame excuse for bullying you can come up with is) would probably slack off a little when we as adults, PARENTS change a few things. ok. first-who cares if someone is trying to look at your facebook page a dozen times a day. if they harrass you, block them, report them to the police, etc etc. if they dont, facebook makes security features for that. look em up. #2-stop using the tv to babysit your kids. however, if you are going to let the big noisey box babysit them, try to pick quality programing for them to watch. if you never get them started on the drama, they wont need to feed the addiction! and im sorry dear moms-16 and pregnant, teenage moms, real housewives of whatever thug infested big city they are being filmed in, is most certainly NOT quality television. no, the kids will not get to see what life is really like for a 16 year old mom because the average 16 year old mom doesnt have a tv crew following them around 24/7, getting paid and having the needs of their children met by tv producers as long as the ratings are good. even some of the cute shows we watch on disney, nickelodeon-all the channels we loved as kids-are humorously teaching kids how to disrespect each other (and adults). dont get me wrong. there could be things waaaay worse than some of these shows. and i wont lie-i have watched iCarly with my daughters many of times, and i have caught myself and my husband, who would deny it to no end, laughing quite a bit at it. what can we say, its a pretty funny show. but tv producers, can we please tone it down a little bit? parents, could we please take some initiative? teach your daughters to treat their bodies (first and foremost) with respect, and secondly, teach them to treat each others with respect. they dont have to like everything that their peers have to say. and yes, they have to learn to resolve certain issues on their own. but lets not allow "it's just apart of their age and learning" to justify being rude, or... well... Bitches. there i said it. we are raising a generation of bitches. i normally wouldnt condone cussing on my blog-mostly because its an embarrassing and ugly habit i have in person, but two because i am a christian, and sometimes i have a good message to share. why fog it all up with foul language, and risk not being taken seriously as a christian. however, that is the best word i can use to describe teenage girls between the ages of 12 and 15 these days. i, for one, refuse to teach my daughter how to be one. whew. now that i have that off my chest, its back to studying! :) maybe next time, i will write on my thoughts of how the world of social networking (as much as i love me some facebook) seems to be creating a world full of narcissists. until then!
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